fukidz

Its Been 1 Year

I know time go so fast , but i never realize it will be this fast.

And yeah this past 1 years (almost) , there so many thing happen in my life from good thing to worse (not too soo) thing. I meet new people and said good bye to old people if that make sense.

One thing i realize im not younger any more. Of course! And what else? Ah… that kid face look its already gone from my visual changed to more mature , and stress look i guess. HAHA.

Im not laugh that often cause i tend to stress more often thinking what i been done so far for my life.

Even i said couple thing its changed but well its there couple thing that never changed in my life , from teenager till no im glad at least i still have this thing. Its my blog of course! I keep this blog when i wass ten till now im tweenty

To be honest im proud of my self i been doing blogging for such a long time. And yeah i want to admit my blog grow more and more , and i happy. Because i never know that i will in that level but well i hope hahaha.

At first i though i will give up bloging before it became like this , but so far i keep bloging , writing about review and stuff

I dont want deny there many thing in my blog , if you been stalk my blog for quit longest time you will know. Im stop blog about food again. Before i used to write about hot hang out place in my city but now not anymore

Why?

Simple. Because now my life its boring. HAHA. I just go to place i used to visit , tend to feel lazy and scared to visit new place.

Another changed its i stop talking about my life , even now i can said i writing my life. HAHA. Whats wrong with me. But yeah i tend to not write about my life anymore not like before.

Reason?

Dont know. Maybe there nothing BAM happen to my life so i stop writing about my life? Not sure but hell yeah… im changed even on blog. Can you imagine how much i changed on my daily life. A TONS!

But believe me everything changed for good

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Last sat night i hang out with my friend , and this all footage that i get. I just wanna share you cause i miss share about what happend in my life

So far its great

Because it almost go to 2017 , i hope next year i can share my life bit more to you guys. But i bet not so often like before but at least not so bad. Because i thing this year im so bad about update my life HAHAh

What im talking about now or writing…

Anyway , i just wanted to you guys know that i been well , my life maybe bit like roller coster not always in high , not always happy but someday when tears come , there smile come too

 

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Feel Like 23

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Before April is getting end i think its goo time for post about this one

Its been a while since i share my life , recently my post is about review not  because i dont want to share with you guys about my life , but yeah i dont thinking something big happen in my life so far

So yeah i just stop to write about my life but now because i feel its something big happen so i write

Couple week ago i celebrate my birth day , nothing special about my birth day i just hang out with my bff celebrate together and my big sis send me cake , i bit surprise because she come the day i birth day so usually and yeah she bring cake. Is been like habit for two of us send gift when we birth day

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Thinking i already life for 22 years is really amazing , i never thinking i will life this far. Okay maybe for some of you 22 years is just a number not much its short but for me is mean a lot

There a tons of incident happen in my life for 22 years good or bad thing and all  off them make me like now

Im grateful because all of them make me more stronger , mature and more important i feel more human than before.

And became 23 i started new world that i feel ah…. this life is never fair and you should more serious now. Yeah i try to see my life more serious try to ambition about something especially about my carrier.  Before i really hope to make my blog as my carrier but yeah i will let this blog as my hobby and found another carrier

But still i hope this hobby can give me money someday , it will be good

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And i realize beside my nose i dont really like my lips , its too big for me , i want have small lips. But lets see in future how i thinking about my lips

But for sure maybe next year or eat least before 25 , amen. I can repair my nose. I want make them more higher dont judge , i just want like that with a tons reason so yeaaaa

And more and more i life i really love my eyes , i just know recently i really have pretty eyes. And yeah i very happy about that

22 years life and now 23 i know my self more better , i can love my self more good. I know what i love and what i hate.

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Because 23 i try to stop getting crazy hair color

No i lie its because song he kyo , from dos she have bob hair with dark brown color , and its look stunning on her so i really want try her hair style so bad. Maybe in couple of day i will dye my hair more darker.

Hope it will be long more than 3 month if not i will let you guys now

But seriously 23 is very amazing number for me. I glad with everything happen bad thing good thing , and yeah of course for GOD who give me this chance to life so far to give everything i need for  good. I glad for that and i hope you have wonderful day too

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Hubungan Satu Arah

Sekarang hampir jam 4 pagi , sebenarnya saya sebelumnya sedang berusaha keras untuk tidur karena malam sebelumnya saya minum kopi dan akhirnya saya mendapatkan ganjarannya kesulitan tidur sekarang

Dan kemudian pikiran saya tidak karuan dan muncul lah post ini

Well terdengar aneh dan canggung karena di post ini saya terlihat serius dan kaku mungkin. Jujur saya bukan orang yang berbicara “saya kamu” dikeseharian saya. Tapi kali ini di post kali ini karena saya pikir ini serius dan lebih enak menggunakan “saya kamu” jadi ayo kita berkaku – kaku

Hubungan satu arah itu menjadi judul post saya kali ini

Saya memiliki banyak pikiran hari ini beberapa masalah yang memang tidak kunjung selesai. Salah satunya hubungan

Hidup saya mungkin tidak terlalu panjang bagi sebagian dari kamu , tapi tidak juga terlalu sedikit untuk sebagian dari kamu juga. Saya berumur 23 tahun , tahun ini. Menurut saya dari umur yang sudah kepala 2 itu saya cukup mendapat pengalaman banyak dari sesuatu yang dinamai kehidupan.

Salah satunya hubungan. Hubungan itu keren menurut saya karena melalui hubungan kita di tempa menjadi seseorang yang baik atau tidak. Di hidup saya banyak orang yang lalu lalang masuk kehidupan saya dan keluar ada yang sampai saat ini yang bertahan. Sebagian pergi sebagian berthaan saya rasa tidak aneh. Ini kehidupan

Menurut saya hubungan adalah perjuangan dua orang , dan jika satu orang yang berjuang demi orang itu mungkin hubungan itu tidak sehat atau mungkin sehat tapi percayalah itu tidak mudah berjuang sendiri di hubungan itu. Tapi kalau hasilnya sepadan kenapa tidak? Itu yang saya pikirkan

Selama bertahun tahun saya telah berjuang demi sebuah hubungan , saya selalu berpikir kalau saya berusaha keras demi hubungan ini mungkin semua akan berubah , semua mungkin lebih baik. Dan saya rasa saya berusaha cukup keras demi hubungan itu

Tapi berapa bulan yang lalu saya merasa kelalahn yang luar  biasa , saya merasa tidak sanggup untuk menjalani hubungan ini. Berjuang sendirian tidaklah mudah percayalah. Dan akhirnya saya menyerah dan mencoba berharap kalau orang tersebut yang saya perjuangkan mungkin akan berpikir memperjuangkan saya , maksud saya setelah yang saya lakukan selama bertahun – tahun bahkan puluhan mungkin saya harap ia berubah dan berjuang untuk hubungan kami. Tapi ternyata tidak

Saya harus menahan pill pait. Hubungan ada batasnya dan ketika saya sudah melihat batas itu saya seharusnya sudah menyerah dan tidak melampaui batasan itu dan ketika sesuatu yang dinamakan kenekatan itu muncul atas nama cinta dan pengorbanan pada akhirnya sakit hati itu di dapat

Terdengar mengelikan , bagi saya pun demikian kenapa saya bisa sepuitis ini? Ah… Mungkin karena saya sakit hati? Lelah? Kecewa? Apapun namanya yang kalian sebut tapi yah itulah yang saya rasakan

Saya masih berharap keajaiban ada mungkin roang itu mau berjuang demi saya karena saya tidak sanggup berjaung lagi. Mengapa? Entah. Mungkin karena lelah? Atau karena ego yang tidak memperbolehkan saya untuk memperjuangkan ini lagi

Saya tidak tahu

Mungkin kalian bertanya – tanya kenapa saya menulis hal seperti ini , apa saya sedang curhat? Katakan saja demikian. Atau kalian juga bisa mengatakan saya sedang memberikan peringatan pada kalian

Saya yakin tidak hanya saya saja yang mengalami hal seperti ini , berjuang demi hubungan tapi hanya seorang yang berjuang. Saya yakin banyak dan saya akan memperingati kalian wahai pejuang hubungan , jalan kalian tidaklah mudah bersiaplah dengan hal yang terburuk karena kalau kalian sudah melampaui batasan mungkin kalian akan kehilangan hal yang sangat berharga bagi kalian.

Bukan saya melarang , saya hanya memperingatkan. Ketahuilah konsekuensinya sebelum ada melangkah dan saya berharap yang terbaik bagi kalian. Jangan berakhir seperti saya

Tapi bila ada yang berakhir seperti saya percayalah dunia berputar. Masih ada hubungan hubungan yang lebih baik dan keren diluaran sanah. Jangan menyerah

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20 Question Tag

I read in chloe blog (https://cp803.wordpress.com) and saw 20 question tag is sound interesting for me . So i give shot for my self so you guys maybe can know more about me since its been a while i never talk about my life in this blog mostly is review recently

So here its is

1.Thing you cannot leave the house without?
Money and my iphone. I diew without them
2.Favorite brand of makeup?
All korea make up is my favorite but if come to western i think is urban decay , mac and bobby brown but they all exepensive so i prefer korea brand
3.Favorite Flowers?
I dont like flower , i enjoy smell flower but i dont have any favorite flowers
4.Fav clothing stores?
H&M and New Look
5.Fav perfume?
Kenzo
6.Heels or flats?
Flats. I cant walk with heels
7.Do you make good grades?
Nope. Im not good but either not very bad. As long i can pass is okay
8.Fav colors?
Any kind of neon and hot color
9.Do you drink energy drinks?
Yeah when i need drive for couple hours
10.Do you drink juice?
Of course… I love avocado juice
11.Do you like swimming?
Of course , my only one sport that i love.
12.Do you eat fries with a fork?
Fries
13.Whats your fav moisturizer?
Dont have
14.Do you want to get married later on in life?
Hope so… but to be honest i just have i meet perfect as hell partner than get married. Married is not that important good partner is all i need
15.Do you get mad easily?
Not really im very good in cover my emotion
16.Are you into ghost hunting?
No im such a chicken if come to ghost
17.Any phobias?
Height
18.Do you bite your nails?
Nope
19.Have you ever had a near death experience?
Nope
20.Do you drink coffee?
Of course coffee is my boyfriend i cant live without meet him

And yeah thats all my 20 tags. I hope you can get know me more. If you something to ask about me drop some comment i will love to answer . Byee….!!!

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Over….?

Whenever you meet someone you must know you will say good bye to that person or maybe to another person
Its life , someone come and someone go away

Lost one friend , its became everybody problem. I bet almost all reader have been in this problem. Lost your friend.

Either me. I lost one of my bf , and its almost 1 years. From we very close to each other. Always contact each other with line , skype , whats up , and now we just stranger. We act like we dont know each other , like we never close before.

I dont know why  , she suddenly disappear , i try call her , and pretending nothing happen like everything its good. Start talk about something we like , but she just reply so cool and she disappear. At first i think i was to sensitive maybe i got wrong idea that she want disappear from my life , but after a while i feel im not wrong yeah she try. And i let her disappear btw.

Yeah i let

Friendship for me its understanding each other its no perfect , respect each other , and fight for each other. That mean about friendship for me. But if she not try to fight for this relationship since i already try , so yeah what can i do its let her go. Let her disappear.

Honestly at first i sad , who is not sad lost bf? But you know its life , you need that feel. Feeling lost someone so you can feel gladly full with what you have now.

Im sure she have new world , new world without me with new bf. And me i get new world without her and still with my some of old bf. Team heal , im sure. Because its what i feel now , at first i lost her i feel bad about that and i wanna solve this problem i dont want her disappear. In other side i cant push her stuck with me since she dont want. FYI we dont have any problem we dont fight about something but someday she try to disappear. She choice to leave me , so what i can do its leave her go.

Im fine…. Thx to time who always healing my pain….
And of course to my family and my old bf who always beside me…. ALWAYS

Btw for you who maybe read my blog…

Hey girl….

I know we became stranger now. And maybe its to late to make it seems nothing happen. I wish all the best for you , and if i do something bad for you im sorry. I know how i always make funny for you but im not sure is that reason why you want disappear but i just only thinking about that. Only that reason why you decide leave me. Its my part but i can get rid its bad part of me i know , but can you just remember good part for me , if you more remember about that just a little bit maybe our relationship never like this. But yeah its already happen i cant said anything. Btw i know you already graduate and somehow i cant mention in front of you because you never tell me directly you already graduate. Congtraz for your graduate i hope the best for you. And yeah… Im sorry for all thing i done to you im not perfect but you either i thing we can understanding each other but we wrong now we decide to walk with our own part so hope the best for you , hope for you happiness and all good thing….

Regards
Your ex best friend

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Became Man?

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Someone ask me this question recenty

“If you born again and you can choice to became woman or man what do you will be…?”

Well i asking my friend too and she said she want became man. But me i wanna became woman. I know how cool and simple man life , at least more simple than woman somehow. Even like that , even how many i complain its hard to be woman but there is something i love being woman.

Something that i cant explain , okay i started being weird here….

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There a time that you want hide your feeling  but actually you want him. Its feel weird but its just happen like that. In the end you just regret so far what you doing. Because maybe there no second chance….

and maybe there no second love. Its you first chance to love someone and maybe that the last chance

Life is always like that full of mystery but there the good part

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4 Years And…..

Another random shit that i wrote in middle of night , no its around 3am when i write this. Is not night anymore its almost morning , early morning.

I cant sleep , there many problem i thinking lately , but mostly because one person. And if i dont share this one with someone my mind will blow up like crazy.

Okay how i should started? 4 or maybe 5 years ago….

Around that time i meet someone , a man of course. He is not my type at first , and most important at first i feel annoying about his attitude. Like 2 or 3 time he made mistake to me , but because im not typical person who like complain so i just asking nicely. Since that time im starting to put my attention to him , because i dont want he make mistake to me again , i feel bit piss off if something like that come back again.

Because a little attention , i feel ah he cute enough , and at that time is maybe take 1 years to me decide like him from the time i meet him. So  started like him when i was 18 years old so maybe around 2011. I like so much until i drag my close friend to accompany me to meet him , because we not in same friend , he just random me , and of course me too for him.

Easy part to get know him its meet him and became his friend friend. So i started with his friend. Asking about him , im kinda typical person who forthright since look his friend already know , so i asking him that if he already have girlfriend or no. I bit confuse here , because some of answer he already have but some said he dont have girl friend , since he never bring his girl friend.

Okay i just decide he dont have girl friend

Somehow i must leave bandung , to study at shanghai , i leave it for 1 almost 2 years , but i still come back when its come to summer and winter holiday , and its cool. I mean i meet him , still have feel but not that much as before. And than i come back leave shanghai for forever. Its cool i live very well i meet new man at least 2 man around that time and we have special relationship

And maybe when i stay in bandung , just couple month i never see him , whenever i come to his place i never see him. Its around end of last year. I know where he , i even visit his new place but i never meet him. I believe destiny so maybe he not my destiny.

I live very well too when i never meet him , not like first year if im not meet him i feel crazy. Im doing cool. At least pretending to be cool. Whenever his friend asking about him , i answer with cool tone , that i with him already finish. Its all about past. OKAY I LIE!

Maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago i meet him , in his old place by accident. I dont even know he there until my friend tell to me that he here. I shock. I wanna asking him something like ‘how are you?’ ‘how doing so far? you look more slim do you eat well?’ Anyway something like that , but i take a back , first because he totally became super cool person and that moment im not in my perfect look so i take a back. And second i already tell to all his friend that im with him already end so why i should do that? Its embarrassing

But im curious since that because i never meet him after he move . So i come to his new place . i bring my friend i begging to her to accompany me again at least one time i wanna go see him again. But i dont meet him , okay its sucks. Destiny look like play with me.

So i stop , i dont want go there again first its far second i just dont want go to much crazy like before. And today i meet him again. I dont know its called destiny or no , at least i already have plan that i will go to his old place with my friend do some work and grab dinner together , and you know what my other friend call me she tell me that she at that place and she saw him at there. Seriously im shock , how can became like that , okay looks like destiny dont play with me.

Okay maybe you curious why i talking about destiny so here the another story first.

Destiny look play around with me. First time that i wanna meet him when i go to his new place like i tell you before , so actually he there. But its BEFORE. So is look drama that he leave and i come. Sucks right? Second time its when i go to his old place i chit chat with his old friend who know my story , and in the end  he said , ah he go here before. So its like 2 time destiny play with me , he leave i come. I come he leave again.

I believe something happen because reason , so what reason behind this? Its just one step late. I hate this condition so much.

Okay come back that finally i meet him. Im happy somehow that the fact i can meet him not only i do some prepare other i know he became better person. And you know what when i meet him i dont speak any word to him. He look at me or maybe he aware that weird girl who eve like him and said in katalk that she like hem and he said no its there. And i look him because i like him.

Yeah i ever to talk him , after i come back from shanghai , i feel its time to me ending this kinda relationship. And i decide i just wanna said without anything mean. So i katalk him and said what i do , he respect and said that he already have girl friend. Since i already know before so im not surprise but im sad that moment.

Plan its me with him already finish. I dont want him anymore , but today when i meet him i lost world and my heart still beating like crazy. I feel like teenager who like senior in her school. Im not young anymore but i realize that i still have feel like that and its work only for him.

Im thinking why i became like this , after 4 years. 1 years i almost meet him everyday in second and third i never meet him because i live at shanghai very well and meet another man , but now when i meet him again my heart still beating and its crazy why i cant forget him for 4 years.

Somehow i hope he my destiny because i ever to imagine how my future husband look like ,and he its close with my ideal. But i dont know , i want end this crazy feel but how?

Its that true that everybody have at least one crush for forever?

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