Its already december
And talk about 2018 i have a lot of thing to said , but well… i know i can be messy writer so i will write make like 3 part… its bit extravaganza but well its the best i can said
This years… i learn a lot
Like a lot
Early Years
Maybe between early feb to march not really sure , i learn to accept that in some point of my life i need to face with failure
My dream..what i want to do its not hard and i cant barely anymore so i give up , i give up my dream , do i regret now? Of course
But its life full of regret and i try to deal with it , make a peace , learn to let go , learn to accept failure of my life , trying more the best , trying other option…trying…just trying anything
That what i learn in early years of 2018 , a bit hard i can said but i barely manage to became stronger , to let go , to forgive my self how naive i was
Middle Years
To be honest there not much nothing happen , i learn how to deal with failure , and other thing yeah trying other thing to make my life more value. Ah i forget to mention in early middle years i meet my firend from America
So basicly she marriage and move there with her husband , and in middle years she back , she back for less than 2 week but i meet her everyday we made good memories , simple but its good to see her back
I realize how i miss her so much , she is person i can said about anything , i can cringly to her since i more youngest than her so i dont really thinking what i want to said to her , i can complain to her from small thing to big thing i love that said of her , she is person will heard anything i want to said without any judge
Meet her make its good but its move to my boring life i wish i have sugar coating in my life cause my life is so flat , that what i feel that time , my life is flat i boring till death , but of course i cant forget , i have good couple night this time.
Its rare and super hard to have good couple night in this age , i sound super old , but well.. im really feel old enough im not person like before i rarely go out at night , im super lazy to do that , but when i fight with my lazy and go otu in night i glad , i have good time with good people of course
But still… i craving for sugar coating
End Years
Here we go… this my last recap of 2018 , i realize how i lazy post blog , i just have really couple good post this years and i just realize in the end of years , i come to some spirit that next years i will do better than 2018
Finger cross
But in some point in my life , im glad to my self , after a years more years i glad i keep this blog sometime this blog live super fine , sometimes this blog just barely alive but im proud i keep doing until this long
I never iamgine i can manage this blog this long , to be honest i thought after i working and not younger anymore , i will forget this blog and keep doing my life , but im wrong there something deep down in my heart i cant leave blogging , its not just stupid teenager passion but its more about i love from when i was younger till now , writing
In end of this years i learn too much about life , about being human , about resepct , about more to forgive abotu my self , that im not perfect , about…depression
Yeah just last month end of november early desember my mom go to hospital because she have bad depression. Im shock to know that , and she… have hard time either me. Thinking about how my mom became i cant forget about Jonghyun. Yeah… he…
Jonghyun in december last years decide to ending his life cause she in deep depression
And my mom get depression in december..its like…WTF. Im scared my mom do something stupid that kinda theory cant let go from my head , im scared but glad i asking to doctor help how to , and keep praying , and she manage with me till now
She on good hand , and she started doing well in home.
What happen with my mom its make me realize how hard dealing with someone who in state of depression , i learn how to became cruel , to said ‘no , you cant do that’ just for her good.
Im trying to became more stronger and stronger , and all because what happend and deep down , im feel greatful i know Jonghyun , he somehow manage to make me more brave more open about what my mom strugle with , he somehow in my life happend to help me.
He help me a lot
End of this years my life its like reading roller coster both my phsyly and mentaly tired but im glad i manage to pass cause i know i pass and i will became a better person
Im my life i always hope to became person who more like person , its sound stupid wish but here my wish… ‘jadi manusia yang dimanusiakan’
That my recap of my life 2018 last word for my 2018 is… thanks 2018 you make me more human than before i keep 2018 in my heart , there special space for you.
MyLittleWorld 